


Light The Way to Bright Tomorrows

by hysteron_proteron



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Connor's kinda pushy, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay, I love my dead gay stoner son, It's all Jared's fault, M/M, Moms on Facebook, Panic Attacks, dubconnish, i just want connor to be happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 03:51:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13895652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hysteron_proteron/pseuds/hysteron_proteron
Summary: What if Evandidgive a moment of hope to Connor? A good deed (and moms not understanding Facebook) starts a chain reaction that changes Evan and Connor's life completely.





	Light The Way to Bright Tomorrows

_Step step out of the sun / because you've learned  
Someone will come running / and I know they'll take you home_

 

Connor rolls the pill bottle between his hands, long fingers caressing the lid, running over the smooth plastic again and again. "Just 12 pills. That's all it takes and then-" he pauses and swallows, Adam's apple bobbing and a few tears slowly slide down his cheeks. "And then - it'll be better for everyone if I'm not around anymore." He nods, twisting the cap off and tipping the bottle back into his hand, watching the round white pills drop into his hand. He counts them off before a _ping_! interrupts him. He huffs and glances up at his computer, a blinking notification telling him he has a new message.

_Hey, this is uh Evan. Evan Hansen from school? Thanks for signing my cast! It really meant a lot to me._

Connor blinks back more tears and watches as more messages fly in.

_At least, I hope this is the right Connor Murphy. You'd be the fifteenth one I've sent this to so um sorry if you're not the right one._

Connor lets out a harsh bark of laughter and lets the pills dribble onto his keyboard as he types back.

_I can write more on it if u want._

There's a pause and Connor watches as the screen still shows Evan typing.

_Really? That'd be really nice, um thank you? Did did you want to do it tomorrow?_

Connor licks his lips and glances back at his bottle of pills. _How about tonight?_ , he types, already shoving his feet into his boots, shrugging on a battered army jacket and glancing at the glowing screen.

_Oh! Um okay? Here's my number...._

Connor scribbles down the numbers and heads out of his room, quickly sending off a text, the pills scattered across his desk, plinking onto the floor as he shuts the door and walks outside.

_Omw. Where r u?_

The text comes fast with an address and Connor sets off, speeding possibly a bit too much to reach Evan's house as quickly as possible.

He parks and knocks sharply, the door opening and Evan's soft voice telling him to come in.  
"Oh uh hi, C-Connor! I didn't um expect you this fast?"

Connor chuckles bitterly, toeing off his shoes and tossing his jacket on a hook. "It was nice to have someone who actually wanted to see me." 

Evan blinks and pauses. "Oh. Uh, well kitchen's in here. My-my mom's at work so she'll won't be home til, um, m-morning." 

Connor nods, following Evan into the kitchen and looking around. "You guys got a coffee maker?"  
"Y-yeah, mugs are, um, in the cabinet over there." Evan points and scurries off into the living room.

Connor comes back, holding a steaming mug of coffee, and settles himself down on the couch, next to Evan. "You don't give a shit if I stay the night, do you? I don't-" he pauses, taking a mouthful of coffee and swallowing, before continuing. "I don't really wanna go home."

Evan startles and shifts to stare at Connor. "N-no, I don't mind. It gets, um, kinda lonely when my mom's at work."

Connors nod, taking another swallow and closing his eyes. "I tried to kill myself before I came here. That's-that's why I got here so fast." The words come out all at once, in a long breathless thought.

Evan puts down his own mug and squeezes Connor's knee. " _Oh_. Um th-thanks for telling me? Uh, I'm, uh, glad you didn't, uh-" Evan stops before dissolving into nervous snorts of laughter. "Sh-shit, 'm sorry. I'm not-I'm not laughing at you; it's just I don't um know how to do this from the other side? M-my therapist said the first part the um the first time I admitted to trying. Um, except for all the ums and stuff."

Connor smirks but there's no malice behind it. "The first time? You mean you 'falling' out of a tree wasn't the first time?"

Evan didn't think the word falling could be said with that much sarcasm but Connor manages to prove him wrong. "N-no, I um tried like every year in high school and uh once in middle school, I think? I dunno I kinda-I mean that whole period's kinda fuzzy. I um I _really_ wasn't popular. Or or even liked."

Connor breathes out slowly and Evan has to strain to hear the soft "Me too." Evan shifts close and presses his leg against Connor's, warily watching the other boy's face.

Connor smiles at him gently and presses his leg back. "Thanks. You wanna watch TV?"

"S-sure."

The boys sit in semi-silence, the only sound the TV playing an old episode of The Simpsons.

"The internet has this theory that Bart's gay," Connor says, disrupting the silence.

Evan turns towards Connor and smiles. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's kinda neat." Connor pauses. "I uh I spend a lot of time on the Internet when I'm not high."

"Me too. But um not not high. And mostly just stuff about trees."

Connor nods and they settle back into companionable silence. Evan lets out a yawn and his head droops onto Connor's shoulder before he lets out a soft squeak and immediately picks his head back up.

"Sorry," he mumbles, starting to settle onto the other end of the couch until Connor sighs and wraps an arm around his shoulders and tugs him close.

"You're fine. I miss human contact sometimes," Connor replies, gently resting his hand on Evan's shoulder; the other boy staring wide-eyed at it. He laughs, softly squeezing Evan's shoulder. "Is my polish _that_ chipped?"

Evan sniffles and takes in a shuddery breath. "N-no, I um I ah-" He breaks off, taking in a raggedy breath and then another, breath coming in short harsh pants.

Connor blinks and tilts his head, watching Evan curl up within himself and he pauses before speaking. "Evan, it's okay. Hey, hey, look at me, it's okay, c'mere." He tugs Evan against him, wrapping both arms around the other boy and squeezing. "Deep breaths, c'mon, for me?"

Evan shivers and takes a deep breath, tears making little spots on Connor's shirt. "m sorry. I've never had a um-" He drops his voice down to a whisper "Friend", before bringing it back to normal. "before."

Connor hums softly, rubbing Evan's back until his breathing finally eases out. "Me neither. D'you have panic attacks a lot?"

Evan nods, face still buried in Connor's chest. "Uh-huh. Do you?"

"I used to 'til I started smoking."

" 'kay. How'd you try to um kill yourself?"

Connor laughs and tugs Evan farther up onto his chest. "I was gonna do pills this time."

"Oh. Those don't really work well; my therapist told me that. The first few times, I tried strangling myself, the closest I um got was with shoelaces. I actually blacked for a couple seconds."

"Wow, that's hardcore. And then you went with a tree?"

Evan closes his eyes and mumbles. "I, um, wanted to, uh, m-make sure it, um, worked."

Connor nods briefly before pulling out a Sharpie and gently tugging at Evan's cast. "I brought more colors than just black, if you wanted."

"Oh, um, sure, th-that'd be okay."

"Mmhm," Connor hums, uncapping a red Sharpie and immediately doodling, the only sound the scratching of the marker against Evan's cast. Eventually he finishes with the red marker and pulls out a purple and a gold Sharpie.

Evan lets out a yawn as Connor continues to draw on his cast and he almost falls asleep.

Connor glances at the shorter boy and smiles softly. "Hey, Evan, wake up. I finished your cast."

"Y-you did?"

"Yeah, take a look."

Evan stares down at his cast, dotted among the huge block letters making up his name Connor had drawn loads of tiny red and silver hearts and the underside was awash in a literal forest of purple and gold and green.

" _Wow_ ," Evan breathes out. "This is amazing. Th-thanks sso much, Connor."

"You're welcome. Hey, you hungry? I wanna order some pizza."

"Sssure. But um could you dial for it? I-I can't-don't really deal well with um talking on the pho-one."

Connor pauses. "You know they do _online_ delivery now, right?"

Evan blushes and buries his face in his hands, mumbling out through his fingers. "Yeah but they still deliver it in in p-p _e_ rson an-and I ca-an't h _a_ ndle that."

Connor reaches over and ruffles Evan's hair, leaning over him to quickly type on Evan's laptop.

"You good with just cheese? Maybe some breadsticks, this place has really good ones."

"Y-ye _a_ h."

"Great. And done! Order's placed."

***

Evan takes a bite of pizza, idly flipping through the channels until Connor lets out a gasp.

"Here, this one! Oh man, this show was _awesome_. You'll love it; I think. Maybe?"

Evan tilts his head in confusion. "Wh-what is it?"

"Oh it's called Insane Investigations. It's been on for like six seasons and it's basically a professional ghost-hunter and a lawyer team up to solve crimes."

Evan blinks. "Like actual crimes?"

Connor grins at him. "Sometimes! Shh, just watch. The opening is one of the best parts. Oh, wait, you don't have any triggers, do you?"

"N-n _o_ t really. Un-unless this has, um, interactive public speaking." 

Connor laughs and drapes an arm over Evan's shoulders. "No, it doesn't. C'mere." He tugs Evan closer, maneuvering until the other boy's tucked against his side.

They sit in comfortable silence until Connor leans over and presses his lips to Evan's with one hand reaching out to rest at the nape of his neck. His tongue gently pushes against Evan's lips which part with a gasp as Connor deepens the kiss.  
Connor pulls back briefly to smile at Evan and breathe against him.  
"Do you want more?"

Evan licks his lips, tasting Connor and the pizza they shared, and he nods, lips still parted and shiny with spit. " _Yes_. P-please?"

Connor _hmm_ s and kisses Evan again, both hands wrapping around Evan practically pulling him into Connor's lap.

Evan finds himself straddling Connor's lap, the other boy's kisses sending warmth pooling in his stomach and he tentatively kisses Connor back, the tip of his tongue just barely poking at Connor's lips.

Connor parts his lips eagerly, tugging Evan closer against him as they kiss each other, tongue exploring each other's mouths until both pull back, Evan a little breathlessly.

"Th-that was um nice?" Evan mumbles, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment.

"Yeah. Again?"

Evan answers by planting his lips onto Connor's, the other boy looping his arms around Evan's waist.

The two continue kissing, Connor eventually maneuvering so Evan's on top of him and one of Connor's hands reaches down to cup at Evan's rear.

Evan gasps and squirms in embarrassment, his face heating up and he pants open-mouthed, little whimpers escaping his mouth.

Connor pulls back, eyebrows crinkled in concern. "Too much?"

"N-n _o_ ," Evan's voice cracks in the middle and he sighs, pressing his face into Connor's chest. "I-it-it feels _good_. And I d _o_ n't know ho-ow t-t-o h _a_ ndle that." He lets out a wordless groan, hands squeezing Connor's shirt.

Connor pauses and moves his hands off the swell of Evan's rear and up towards his back. "Better?"

Evan nods against him, breath coming in short wet gasps as he mindlessly rocks his hips against Connor's, feeling a hard throbbing bulge against his own.

Connor lets out a reedy breath in response to the friction and he squeezes at Evan's shoulders, pressing his lips so hard against Evan's he can feel his own teeth. 

Evan squeaks as he feels a rush of wet warmth soak into his underwear and his face heats up what feels like a million degrees. "I-I have t _o_ -have to leave, pl _e_ -ease, let me up." 

Connor lets go, a small smirk on his face as he watches Evan scramble off him. "You know I think it's _hot_ that you feel so strongly about me, Evan. Let me help you get cleaned up." He gets up as well, following Evan into the bathroom and ignoring the other boy's weak protests.

"Shh, Evan," he murmurs, crowding Evan against the sink, his hands covering Evan's and he laces their fingers together. " _Shh_ , you're _fine_ , we're fine. Let's get these off of you, yeah?"

Evan screws his eyes shut and he squeezes Connor's hands, letting Connor unzip his jeans, revealing his red briefs with a damp splotch at the front.

Connor hums with satisfaction before kneeling and licking a quick stripe up the wet spot, chuckling against the fabric as Evan lets out a strangled squeak above him. He can feel Evan's legs quaking against him and he looks up, face softening at the sight. "Hey, hey, Evan, Evan, look at me."

Evan crumples to the floor, Connor just managing to catch him in his lap and he settles against the tub, Evan's face pressed against his shoulder and Connor just holds him as he shivers.

"'m sorry, 'm sorry, C _o_ n-nor. Sssorry." He lets out a shuddery gasping breath and can feel his tears dotting Connor's t-shirt again.

Connor leans his forehead against Evan's and presses a soft gentle kiss to his lips. "Evan, you're _fine_. It's okay. Shhh, I'm here. We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. You wanna head back to the living room?"

Evan nods wordlessly, wiping his eyes on his shirt sleeve.

"C'mon then," Connor says, leading him back to the couch and gently pushing Evan down onto it. " _Sit_. I'm gonna turn on, I dunno, some documentary about trees for you and get you some water."

Evan sniffles and nods again, watching as Connor flips through the channels. 

"Here we go, a nice documentary about redwoods just started. You haven't seen this before, right?"

Evan lets out a small chuckle and shakes his head. "N-no, I haven't seen this one."

"Good. I'll be right back with your water."

Connor's back after a couple minutes with an ice-cold glass of water and he settles down on the couch, tugging Evan close. "C'mere," he murmurs, wrapping an arm around Evan's shoulders. "Let's learn about redwoods."

***

Evan yawns, dropping his head onto Connor's shoulder, and Connor presses a kiss to his lips. Evan opens his eyes. "A-re you fe _e_ ling bet-ter, Co _n_ nor?"

Connor nods, letting out a yawn of his own. "Yeah. 'm gonna crash on your couch. You're welcome to join me, Evan."

"Okay, that does sound nice. Do you want a blanket?"

Connor shakes his head, flopping down onto his back on the couch, maneuvering Evan so he's on top of him. "Nah, I'm sure _you_ 'll be plenty warm enough."

Evan blushes deeply and stutters out an 'okay'.

Connor pauses and tosses his jacket over Evan, humming softly as he tucks Evan in on top of him, wrapping the other boy up in his sleeves. "And for you, a nice warm jacket."

"Th-thanks?" Evan mumbles, awkwardly arranging himself on top on Connor, Connor's warmth seeping through him.

"Mmm, you're welcome, Evan," and then softer. "Thanks for today."

"Oh! Uh, you're wel-el-come."

"Good night."

"Night," Evan mumbles into Connor's chest, both boys' eyes closing as they slip into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll probably be longer than two chapters but as of now I have like 2.5 written so...


End file.
